If you're always juggling spinning plates, they're bound to come crashing down at some point.
I’m used to being the busy girl. Used to being the girl who’s juggling a million different things and at least outwardly looking like it’s all being held together in a nice neat little bow. The only problem is that every few months, I end up having to lie in bed for a day or two because I’ve come down with some kind of cold or flu.
And it absolutely sucks.
I feel like my version of burn out isn’t as bad as Arianna Huffington’s famous story.
But even though I’m aware of the situation, it still keeps repeating. It’s like I’m stuck in some type of continual time warp where I keep trying to ‘live my best life’ but then get caught in this downward spiral. So does that almost make it worse than one massive explosion? I know I need to change my actions and yet inevitably things always end up being the same.
Burn out isn’t a new term. It’s an on the rise phenomenon hitting corporates all around you. Between rising living and transport costs, rising pressure to perform at work, pressures to maintain a social life, go to the gym, be present, sleep, eat. There’s so much going on, and so much pressure to try and do everything all the time. Yet simultaneously, there’s people touting self care and guilting you into fitting yet another thing into your calendar.
There’s enough memes about us that us 20-30 somethings laugh about it while secretly crying on the inside as to how true it is and what a reflection on our lives it is- or is that just me?
So why do we feel this constant pressure? Why do we feel this need to be on top of our game all the damn time?
For me, a lot of it comes from wanting to live up to this idealistic version of myself. The version of myself who’s on track to becoming the head of a department before 30, while simultaneously married to the love of her life, living in their gorgeous home with their dog and on their way to trying for a baby. Except, that’s a movie fairytale that’s been drummed into my head through Hollywood, and then reinforced through the carefully chosen filters from instafamous bloggers.
As a passing comment, my flatmate said to me ‘is it all worth it?’
And honestly, no. But making a change, and such a dramatic one, is terrifying.
But, here’s a list of things I’m going to try and improve before the end of the year, and I’m leaving them here so that they’re out in the open and I can be held accountable:
1) I’m going to try and work on my sleep quality and quantity. Sleep has always been a problem for me.
2) I’m going to try and meditate for at least 5 minutes a day (I have paid for a year of headspace after all)
3) Only give 80% of myself at work. I’m giving 150% at the moment and for what?
Watch this space.