How many times have you had a conversation with a friend, where you've said 'oh my god I'm so busy..... life's insane.... so hectic' or something along those lines? And your friends replied that they're equally busy, or wait- even MORE busy that you are.
How did we get stuck in this cycle of competing to see who gets run down first?
Since when has being busy become a badge of honour? Furthermore, why do we constantly WANT to wear this crown? It's the ultimate poisoned chalice.
I'm aware that it's super ironic for me to be saying this. After all, I'm renown for living life at 500%. Never taking a break, always running and overburning. And yes, I do tend to function better when I'm busy. I don't know how to sit still, but this doesn't mean that i'm not aware of how toxic this behaviour is.
I had a review at work a few months back, and one part of the feedback was that in meetings, it doesn't seem like I'm present. And to be honest, half the time I'm really not.
This was my to-do list at about 11am today. And yes, the list expanded exponentially throughout the day. And I only managed to tick about half the things off the list.
Unfortunately, I'm my own worst nightmare and I don't know how to say no. I try and find a spare 5 minutes for anyone and everyone.
So hell yes I'm not always present in meetings as I've got about 100000 other things to be replying to and frankly this meeting could have been an email.
That's not to say that I don't want to be present. Hell I'd love to be able to turn off and to truly focus on one thing. But I'm so used to being caught in this hurricane of business that I simply don't know how to stop.
One thing that i notice that immediately falls to the wayside if taking care of myself. Whenever I'm busy, my self-care drops immediately. I don't sleep as much, I tend to. drink more coffee and eat more sugar because my body is so tired and drained.
When I'm busy, I'm running on empty. I can't fuel myself properly. And I feel like deep down, everyone is existing on steam. And I really and truly hate it.
Maybe that can be my 2020 resolution. Try to NOT be as busy.